Trojans and Triscuits.

M.I.A, missing in action. It seems as if I have basically fallen off the face of the earth. I think we are at the point where you might want to call the police and issue a missing persons report. With the return of school inching closer and closer, and the overwhelming amount of planning done for frosh, I have had no time for myself, or to write for that matter.

Today as Nat and I strolled through the aisles of the grocery store, we came across the condom aisle. Looking at the dozens of colourful boxes, she looked me straight in the eye urging me to take the walk of shame down into the garden of safe sex. For those who do not know, I HATE the topic of sex. For someone who makes more than the appropriate amount of sex jokes, the topic still makes me very uncomfortable. It’s not that I am immature or anything, I simply just hate talking publicly about someone putting their dick up a bum or in a vahgigi. With a tug on my arm, she pulled me towards the aisle. I should probably leave a disclaimer that I fully agree with safe sex, and that I 100% encourage it. I just always expect others to be more prepared than I am. Looking at the dozens of options, I am mildly overwhelmed and silently traumatized. Faced with all these foreign terms, I honestly do not understand which package is better than the other. Lubricated: sticky, Spermicide: Not the same as pesticide, Ribbed: Rib flavoured? Thin: For skinny people, Heated: In case you want to warm up in the winter, and flavoured: In case you want your junk to smell like Wonkas factory. For purchasing a penis balloon, there is honestly a lot of work to do. They all sound great and all, but all I really want is a Netflix feature.

It is really funny how condom shopping is such a taboo thing to do. You silently feel judged as you pluck the box off the shelf and place it on the belt. As you wait to pay, you attempt to avoid eye contact with the cashier and you then exit the store faster than a burglary. I genuinely do not know why purchasing condoms is such a “taboo” thing to do. I am not sure why any cashier believes that they have the right to make someone feel awkward for practicing safe sex. I do not know about any of you, but I would rather face the embarrassment of purchasing a box opposed to the risk of having dozens of parasites (children) birthed.

Whether you are gay or straight, or if you believe in abstinence or believe in the freedom of ones own body, awesome. No matter what path of life you follow, everyone has their own beliefs and you should not enforce what you follow onto someone else. I am not that old, nor have I had my fair share of relationships, so I have just recently passed the virginity chapter of my life. Pulling a Regina George, I have been a half virgin for enough time, and I am actually rather happy that I waited. I did not realize at the time, but I was not with anyone that I was 100% comfortable with, and I think that in a relationship and personal sense, I am at a place where I am finally comfortable. Scratch that, I am more than comfortable, I feel safe.

Whether you choose to have sex or not, that is your own belief and as a person I firmly respect you for that. Do not let anyone try to enforce their own beliefs on the topic down your throat, or to force you into something you do not want to do. Just remember, if you choose to make the decision, keep it safe and keep it not pregnant.

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