I was at a standstill, unable to differentiate my happiness between dread and my feelings of euphoria for melancholy. My sense of stability had been compromised and the underlying fabric of my reality began to expose years of pulls and tears.
It is nights like these where I want to sleep for days on end. It is nights like these where I give myself up to an alternate authority and let my soul drift away. It is nights like these where I do not want my body, where I want someone else and to be who…
The cold had stunned me. It was the beginning of April, but the clouds held onto the winter chill. I watched the curtains dance in the wind, casting shadows around the bedroom. I lay on my back feeling the wind create goose pimples on my skin. It was six in the morning, and I was…
The proverbial bridge had burned, but one question remained: Could we be salvaged? The charred ash of fundamental stability was holding onto the remaining beams that kept us together.
We embrace the world with black tar lungs, and pretend we don’t know any better. If it were not for mistakes, for death, and for heartbreak, who would we be? I don’t know.
The fact was this: people don’t change, they become stealthier at hiding their true selves. A cloak of decadent and distracting colors if you will.
I woke to the sound of mechanical beeping. Lights flashed around me as I opened my eyes. Slowly coming into focus, I noted the beige wall and glanced upwards toward the ceiling. I was laying in a hospital bed.
He had me, he had me hook line and sinker.
My mind races through old photographs, desolate sunsets, Asia to Amsterdam, and bodies shaking with every touch, and kiss, a new jolt to life brought forward by a mind-altering epiphany.
Who was Xavier? The ambiguity played connect the dots with the rain drops as they formed on the window pane. Through fogged covered glass and an autumn palette decorating the landscape, I stare aimlessly into the mid-afternoon sky.
The biggest flaw with modern dating is the desire to sell yourself short. Dating in itself is an exhausting and tedious task, one which we all endure until we find a “forever” – or an “until further notice”. The problem with dating is that a sense of incredible judgement is placed on your decision to either a) continue dating the person, or b) decide to never see said person again. We dream about our aspirations and begin planning for the future with self-proclaimed confidence and a blinded understanding.
We had found ourselves in a Pas de Deux, performing our steps side by side, unbothered by the tribulations around us. In another world, maybe we were just like these dancers. Two minds accompanied by two bodies, working together to make art. Met in an open wound, we stitched the protrusion closed.