4G and a Trusting Heart.

img_0547East bar, West bar, and all in between. The Danforth Music Hall has a way of making you feel comfortable even when surrounded by hundreds of people. Blood Orange headlining, shadows line the walls as Dev Hynes dances around the auditorium. Looking around the concert hall, varying ages and demographic factors ages surround me. A decade ahead of me, my date comes over with two beers. With a quick smile, I thank him for the beer and take a sip. Growing up, I always had this misconstrued idea that age means intelligence, and with age comes utmost knowledge. It only takes 2 decades, but I realized how fucked these ideologies were. At this point, I cannot help but think: Does older mean wiser, or is that a myth? I can never decide if I value age or wisdom, or if the two even intersect at all.

_______________________________

INT – 1:38AM – Bedroom
The sounds of the wind whistling through the branches, occupying my moonless bedroom. Still and tired, I lay motionlessly under the security of my bedsheets as Andy lays at the foot of my bed. The illumination from a nearby street lamp casts the shadow of a thin branch on the far wall of my bedroom. I let out an exasperated breath and feel Andy squirm in his sleep. It is in these night-moments where my mind begins to wander, and I let the security of sleep dart away and thoughts overtake my conscious mind.

INT – 2:25AM – Bedroom
Silence

INT – 2:45AM – Bedroom
Silence

INT – 3:15AM – Bedroom
Lifting my phone from its nook on the withered ladder at the side of my bed, I check the time. The backlight fills my dark room and jolts me fully awake. Accepting the inevitability of lack of sleep, I open Instagram. Scrolling aimlessly, I let curiosity take over judgement and I type a name into the search bar. Staring at the three column photo spread, the life of Owen rests before me. Scrolling through photos, I begin to wonder how he is doing…who he is doing, but most importantly, how he is feeling. It is strange to have so many questions for someone whom I used to know so well. Owen and I had fond memories, a technological relationship built on the foundations of a strong WiFi connection and emotion. Maybe that was all it took to form a stable romantic connection, 4G, and a trusting heart?

At that given time, Owen took refuge on my phone. Day by day, communication was in my hands as we were bound together looking for answers through a network of lost translation. It seems ridiculous to say since months have passed and we both have moved on, but I still miss the boy that never was.

INT – 4:15AM – Bedroom
Silence

_______________________________

img_0466The biggest flaw with modern dating is the desire to sell yourself short. Dating in itself is an exhausting and tedious task, one which we all endure until we find a “forever” – or an “until further notice”. The problem with dating is that a sense of incredible judgement is placed on your decision to either a) continue dating the person, or b) decide to never see said person again. We dream about our aspirations and begin planning for the future with self-proclaimed confidence and a  blinded understanding. When thinking about the relationships of the past and exceptions for the future, it becomes difficult to look past negativity. Carrying the remnants of war and proclaimed hostility through profound uncertainty, we pretend that we have our shit together. With every date, you add a new carry on to your personal baggage set as you lug the ghosts of yesterday’s past from restaurant to restaurant growing in parcels with each faulty encounter. Maybe it is time to accept the baggage and trade in our emotional suffrage for a Louis duffle set and accept our losses. I don’t know about you, but I have my credit card ready to make the transaction.

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