I came here to think. Bats dipping overhead and fireflies dancing among the trees. The smoke of my cigarette forms shadows in the light of the moon.
There comes a point in time when we just have to sit back and let it all happen. To ignore stability and embrace chaos. It is a disjointed view, one in which is built off the complete assumption that one is emotionally strong enough to handle that pain and heart ache. I find that through pain comes poetry, and trough nicotine stained lips comes the truth.
The past few weeks have been ridden with death, emotional turmoil, and heartache. I have been left to ponder the reason for the madness, and the answer to the age old question, What is so wrong about death?
Mortal death indicates the end of a life is the end of the line. No ifs and or buts, no take-backs, no comebacks. When operating under this ideology, one forgets a key fact, no higher power has indicated that the end of the body is the end of a soul; this viewpoint can be unilaterally agreed upon by many denominations and individuals. I am not falling under the trap of an ultimate heaven. I do not believe that an external force will keep your soul afloat while simultaneously balancing among the clouds. I am, however, under the mindset that while a person may pass, their soul lives alongside the memories shared with others. A body can die, but a soul and memory can be forever.
We are all so scared of dying that we refuse to talk about the subject. Prefer to ignore reality and embrace a hand washed version of the truth. It is known that everyone suffers through their own battles, we are not blind to this, but freedom comes from absolute resolution. The understanding that disaster can, and will happen, but an opposite reaction will occur in order to create balance. Life without pain is seemingly a utopia, but without the understanding that chaos can occur, one would live under false pretences.
We embrace the world with black tar lungs, and pretend we don’t know any better. If it were not for mistakes, for death, and for heartbreak, who would we be? I don’t know.
[unedited excerpt 2017]