Seated on my dining room floor with my back up against the wall, I take another sip of my wine. With the sounds of Passenger radiating through my speakers I sit and begin to write. The words seem to flow through my fingertips at a speed in which the mind cannot comprehend. With the colour black seeping through the white walls of this brain, I wonder what is left of the world out there. All around me people seem to be undergoing some sort of sadness. From breakups to deaths, it seems as if everyone is in a eternal flux of depravation. Desperate sips out of the gold chalice of life may bring out the worst in people for desperation and turmoil can turn what was once dainty into something grim and dead.
How are we as romantic beings able to know if a relationship is worthwhile? We stay in relationships and hope to not be hurt, yet when broken we fall. We are continuously told that we must get back out there and continue trying, but what happens when our last try fails? In my mind, failure is no longer an option for I am quite tired of being hurt and placed in the same situations continuously.
Now here is when you must differentiate between what is actually considered learning. You can speak of how you learned from the relationship yet continue making the same mistakes, or you can take the lessons that you learned and make your escape. No matter how minuscule and flawed a relationship may have been, in some way it still mattered. Everything in life is done for a reason, for no decision is made without previous intentions.
Looking back at my time with him, I realize now that I did grow. I grew into becoming a person stronger than I once was. I only looked at the negatives of my time with him, for I never looked at how it actively contributed to the beneficial growth in time. In life, your journey is only half the battle for the personal growth that you take on is its own reward.
No matter how long you deny it, the relationship had an affect on you in some way, for if it didn’t then it would not have mattered.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Fall where you may, and make mistakes…for your journey is far from over and there are are more lessons to be learned.
With the looking glass appearing more and more blurry, I stare into the blankness that is the white wall in front of me. With every puff a new black dot appears on the polka dot surface of thy lungs. Inhalation is only for a moment for the exhale in which you produce released most of the terror. Inhale and exhale for through every breath comes a new chance at opportunity.