Head leaned against the window, I watch the rain drip down the window pane. Driving by moving people and an urban landscape, I stare out at the city before me.
Through each drop of rain, subtle nuances of the past drip down the pane. Looking up from my comfortable position, I notice that the UBER driver turns up the radio. A familiar tune leaks through the speakers. Wildest Dreams off of Taylor Swift’ 1989 album used to represent to the simplicities of my life. Used as a ringtone and morning alarm clock, the tune sends images of the early morning wake-up calls. With every droplet of water, the memories pool all around me. Was it worth it? Was it worth all of this pain?
Exiting the car, I open the umbrella to shield me from the rain. Walking forward, the sound of my boots click on the pavement as the water spreads. Walking quickly, and with purpose I move forward.
Stopping at an all way cross walk our paths diverge. We walk away like strangers.
Sunglasses hiding my watery eyes, I hold my head high and continue walking.
I do not know what to say. I felt overjoyed yet overcome. I felt flooded yet still floating. All these contrasting feelings hung over my brow illuminating the way in front of me. Through the darkness, I have now seen the light; and through this pain I have been able to find strength. There is nothing left to wait for, nothing to cease.
Stopping to get a coffee, I began to think about all that I have overcome. Through my challenges I realized:
You must find strength in this madness that we call life. You must hold onto the truth that you know and disregard the falsehood of what is said. Paint yourself into a world where you are free to endlessly recreate, and fight for what is believed in.
What has become of us?
Where have we gone, what have we done? What has become of us?
Stuck in a sullen haze sinking into the consumerism of the city around us. We ride along the train afraid to get off at a foreign stop. We cry at the happiness and we rejoice in our sadnesses. Through endless trials and challenges we, the youth of today, have been programmed to fail. We have been arranged and organized from the beginning, for we have been slated to start from the top and to work our way down. We are 20 Years old yet have experienced 40 years of breakdowns.
Why must it be like this? why must I walk in permanent confusion waiting for the next big adventure? The answer is simple: I find difficulty with living in the moment…the moment is uncontrolled and unpredicted. There is nothing for me to fall on, there is nothing to save me.
Despite the ambiguity of everyday life, you must find a compass and guide your own way. The map is our mind and we MUST navigate our own way through life.
For a year we sat on a single bed, we laughed and we cried. We touched, we kissed and we said goodbye. The one present actions have now become a past tense.
Madness! We are living in madness. We have fallen down the rabbit hole and into Wonderland. Who would have thought that life would be like this? who would have thought we would have ended up here.
Drenched from the pouring rain, I throw off my clothes and peel out of the skin I am forced to wear. I stand. I stand naked on the frontier of nothing. I stand expressionless, exposed and unprotected from life around me. Around every corner and down every street lie the memories of yesterday. Stuck in a variation of the past while we should be recreating stories for tomorrow.
Four of my eyes have closed and I have been left blind. Left blind and unexpectedly dreaming of something brighter than what I am seeing.
Putting down my cellphone and taking away the technology that governs my brain, I stand expressionless. Nowhere to hide. Nothing to shield the scars, the cuts, and the burns.
The fire has distinguished yet the smell of smoke continues to flood my nostrils reminding me of what has passed.
Waking up from my drunken haze, I look down at the notebook and pages scattered around my bed. How could this dream be so vivid?
The questions of the unknown have been left unanswered. 4 am thoughts manifest the rawest form of Vino Dreams.