I am not sure if I am the only university student out there who feels lost, but I am currently on a train to nowhere.
Seated cross legged on my bed scanning through two of the required readings I need to finish, I feel as if I am at a sense of loss. It truly pains me to say it, but I am not sure if I am happy doing what I am doing. My university program is not exactly everything in which I had hoped it to be, and I can not help but wonder if my attachment to the program is based off of my love for the people or for the actual classes. With my mother paying thousands of dollars to send me through university, it scares me to think that this program may not be right for me.
I know for a fact that I want to write, I know that I want to be an on air reporter, and I definitely know that these are goals I can potentially accomplish. Going through high-school, I basically sorted out my life from ninth grade and did a long strut down the pathway towards my future. In my past I was involved with television stations where I did a series of reporting, I was a mucisian creating my own music, and I was a paid actor working on a variety of sets and stages. Now I look at the present day me, and I cant help but wonder what went wrong. I am currently sitting alone in my condo drinking wine at 10 am as I write a blog plot…I am definitely living the high life. My life has definitely not followed the plan in which I had hoped, but is that necessarily a bad thing?
Through this journey I have met a bunch of wonderful people all of whom I could not imagine living without, I met “him” and had my life changed for the good, and I have finally achieved a form of happiness with who I am. It is just the state of nothingness in which I am currently feeling within regards to being a student who is currently not amounting to much. Take a look at the singer Lorde; she is a 16 year old girl from New Zealand who is already nominated for a Grammy, while I am an 18 year old boy stuffing my face with double stuffed Oreos.
At this point in my life, I just hoped that I would have conquered at least one of my dreams at this age. Through this journey I have left so much behind me, and in truth I am not sure if I was ready to let the baggage go.
I can complain all I want about how I have not yet achieved my goals or I can do something about it, and that is exactly what I plan to do. If you want to achieve something within your life, never stop trying. If you no longer have time for something that brings you happiness, make some time. For without these smalls bits of happiness within our lives, we live in a dark world without glimmers of light.