Fading deeper into black.

Technology is the killer of human interaction.

How could I have been so stupid? Once again I fell for someone who does not care for me as much as I thought they did. For the first time in my life I was finally happy with where I was in my life, I had “Him”, and I felt as if everything was perfect. I had been so sure of my current situation that i thought that nothing could interfere, but as life would have it… I was wrong.

I do not know why this stupid idea that we could be together ever crossed my mind. Over the time we have spent together I grew deeper and deeper into “Him”, for he became a part of me that I didn’t think I could lose. My eyes were closed and I let my heart guide me, and I neglected to take my own advice: I walked blindly.

This feeling deep within my chest is pulsating and throbbing, for I am now left hollow and barren as I am stuck within the void of “Him”. My first mistake was that that I let my guard down. I let “Him” into my life and slowly grew accustomed to this lifestyle of two; of having someone care for me. I do not know how I grew so blind that my steady eyes turned unsteady and failed me. When looking back now, I can see that he had no intention of ever being with me. I will and always remain to “Him”, as just another guy. I am the distraction from reality, but even reality found its way to replace me.

Maybe this is all just a phase in which he is going through, maybe he needs this spontaneity of being with other people to make him happy again, but I know that can not emotionally handle it. I was dragged along behind an active car, and will soon be left within its tracks. By being a friend and helping him get through this breakup, I found myself falling deeper and deeper into him. I have fallen so deep, I have lost sight of reality.

To be fair, he never promised me that we would be together, for he never made any indication that we would; I just let hope get the best of me and found myself lost in his world. I do not have control of his actions and I do not have control over his emotions, He is a young man in a busy world and has many options going for him. I have now fallen to the back of the line for there are many other hopefuls pegging to take my spot. I have two options: I can constantly be in pain every time he speaks to another guy or goes out with another guy, or I can stop caring.

I don’t know if I will ever mean anything to him again, and I do not know if he will even care that I am gone… but all I know is, I have lost my place and will not regain. As I lay upon the couch staring out onto the busy street below, the weeds have strangled me once more and I am slowly fading back to black.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s