11:12 am and I am sitting in a Literature class watching a film about the growing anxieties and constant sexual fantasies of a character played by Nicholas Cage; Truly Fascinating. No matter how hard I try, I am too focussed on the utter blackness of the future.
For once in my life I have been fully and undeniably honest with myself. I have finally unleashed my feelings for “Him” and have put all my emotions right in the open. Being so open is such a terrifying feeling, for you have now submitted into the vulnerability of life.
I exactly sure how I feel about letting “Him” know my true feelings, for I have received a series of mixed messages from many people about how I should handle this situation. In pure honestly I have been going bloody crazy with planning out a series of conversations in my head, with the hope of them actually working out as I planned. Within life, nothing ever will go exactly the way that you plan it, for everyday your life can change.
I think that in order to feel better about a certain situation, you need to take the jump and live off of the spontaneity of life. One must always remember that within life, nothing can technically be planned; for life is in a constant flux.
All I can do at this moment is wait for his response. The ball is now out of my hands, for there is nothing left for me to do. The situation is fully in his control at this point, and I have to accept whatever his response brings me.
Over the last two hours I have witnessed four scenes of Nicholas cage masturbating…You now all understand why I am such an emotionally disturbed individual.