12:49pm, I am sitting cross-legged on my couch with a glass of red in my hand.
With my cat curled into a ball beside me and Sex & The City playing on the TV, I attempt to relax.
I unlock my phone and begin to check Instagram and Facebook for my social media indulgence of the day. Passing the usual photos of celebrities and the drunken nights of my friends, I come across one photo that sends me spiralling back into the past.
Previous relationships are an incredibly dangerous memories to reminisce on. Once you lay eyes upon that person once more, you are catapulted back into the time when you were both happy together. This mental flux leaves you within this state of happiness created by the joyful times, thereby omitting out the bad. As I stare helplessly at this simple photo, I am left thinking of how stupid I was, and how the pain from the breakup was brought onto myself. During the time with this person, there were many obvious signs that an ending was near yet I was completely blind to the obvious.
We are continuously helpless to the pain that is caused by other people. No matter what they may do to us, we find ourselves drawn back into their own little vortex. We are strung along as they continue to move forward with their own lives. No matter how far they may go, or how many people they go out with or sleep with, there will always be those fragments of string that connect our hearts together. We are forever in love with the pain that is brought onto our hearts, for it becomes some perverted fantasy. In some twisted and sadistic fashion, it is as if we are intoxicated with this pain.
The one thing we all must consider is if the pain is too much to handle. If you find yourself continuously hurt and anxiety ridden over another person, then the pain has taken over you. When your mind is in continuous wonder of what they are doing, or where they are, or who they are with, then the pain has taken over. You must think for yourself, and see if you are strong enough to continue with this toxic relationship. It is difficult to do, but you must be the dominant being within this decision. For no amount of time or past memories should get in the way of a well thought out decision. You can be with someone for over five years, but if you are unhappy, the time you have spent with them should not outweigh your unhappiness.
Pain is an addictive force. Pain is the nicotine of love that creates such imbalances within our brains, that we lose all self control. With its addictive qualities, Nicotine travels to the brain at only ten seconds affecting the neuroscience of our brains, while love…love travels faster, and affects quicker than any other substance. Act justly and think clearly for the pain is not worth the heartache.