Coming back from Kingston, I walk through the city centre. Bags under my eyes and in my hands, I walk through the highly populated Dundas Square. Eight in the evening and the centre is still jam packed. Pushed through a queue and shuffled down the sidewalk, I feel as if I am a rain drop in a thunder storm. While the city may bring a sense of solace from over population, it truly rids oneself of individuality…for there are hundreds of like-minded people polluting the city, filling the environment with lost loves and unattained dreams. Wearing the same clothes, similar hair, falling back on indistinguishable stories, we all have lost our sense of originality.
Looking up to the sky, I realize that I’ve yet to see the full moon; the guiding force that cleanses the earth with its rays thereby allowing for a full circle to complete.
I have slowed down, I took a break from the fast moving world and let myself be swept away by the wind.
Wrestling with my conscience, I finally can understand how Hamlet felt during the whole ”to be or not to be” conundrum. Leaves falling and air crisp, I wrap my scarf once more around my neck. I feel the chill penetrate my bones causing me to hold my jacket close. With espresso in hand, I feel the bitter sweet taste of an Americano dance on my tongue fill the senses with dialogue. When do we come to that point in life where we no longer care about the past, and continue to look forward despite what has happened?
“You cannot change what you refuse to confront.” The quote has stuck with me for the past couple of days. Didn’t I confront the issues at hand? Did I not stand on the cusp of Heartbreak Warfare and fight for peace? Fighting for peace is like starving for hunger, it is a giant contradiction in life and mind. Heartbreak Warfare is a challenge to both the heart and soul. Closing oneself off and draped in armour, we fight for our own rights, and for ourselves. So used to having a knight to follow suit, we are now humbled and alone waiting for the emerging attack. I begin to wonder; Can we find peace after warfare? and is it possible that maybe we already have?
To think you know someone is to think that you can control the weather; people are unpredictable and susceptible to change. You cannot know a person for who they are, but you can know them for what they are presently. With this said, it does not mean that the person you knew has disappeared; the person you knew has grown into someone you do not.
In the words of Adele, it seems as if I am chasing pavements. I am searching for the answers to questions that have been laid to rest. Most of life is looked at as if we are looking at the world through rose coloured glasses; The colour of the lens changes the atmosphere around us.
I find myself bewitched by reason, falling victim under the charms of the night till I understand the light of tomorrow. Guided by the night, we act in a manner we will regret in daylight. Think about it, have you ever done something that you wish you hadn’t and then spent the rest of the day/night wondering why the hell you made that decision?
We are not stupid beings, for we know the mental consequences in place before acting. We grasp the basic understanding of what is right and what is wrong, yet we act anyway. There are hundreds of situational reasons that may influence our actions, and it seems as if most memories may one have derived from regret.
The resemblance was uncanny I say to myself as I analyze your face. Same nose, same build, similar mind, and a disheartened heart waiting to be understood. Was I ready to move on? No. Am I seeing similarities because of my inability to let go, or is this just a sign from a higher power telling me to wait?
What is a sign? Heartbreak ware fare does not have an instruction manual, nor does it have directions pointing you to the north. Warfare brings violence and an uneasy heart and mind. Why can’t we abandon the anger and fall into peace; a white flag waved into the horizon symbolizing a truce? Why can’t we put down our weapons and say sorry for the pain that was caused? Because we can’t. People are made to break and we are programmed to feel. We are made to experience the pain of misunderstanding and sadness, for we are trained for this. No apology can make up for the blood shed, and sympathy can clean the mess that we have made.
Intricately broken into hundreds of brilliant little pieces. The light reflects off of the surface showing images of before – of the past.
When in Heartbreak Warfare, do we erase the memories and fill our minds with placebos; with false pretences to erase the pain that has been caused? Keep me out of Heartbreak Warfare; shield me from the fight. Assimilate me into the masses and allow me to understand the world through tainted sight… Through blinders that keep me out and bring the world in.
This chapter is not over, for until we can descend off of this climax we cannot change pages. We must remember that we do not control anyone’s stories but our own. While we may be at the descending action, they may be already at their denouement. While stories may change and we may get sucker punched in the gut, just know that you deserve a soft epilogue – you deserve the peace and serenity accompanied with tranquility.
Weapons down and armour off I am naked to you.