Both the beautiful and the damned, we were the wiser and the fool.
After the release of my last post, I had received many responses and messages from people going through heartbreak. One of the reasons that I started this site was to communicate with the community and to listen to the stories of others.
While every story was different, they all did have similarities. This post is dedicated to those people.
Can a heart be cut in half…a clean cut, a simple incision that splits both sides right in the middle. Right through the muscle and through the strings suspending the heart to the mind.
Growing up we are always told to follow our heart, but is this piece of parental advice considered correct? I have found that the heart can easily be persuaded. The human heart is a muscle, it does not think nor do they hold the ability to make change… a heart can break and can be easily shattered and puppeteered to fit certain needs. When navigating through our decision making abilities, we have the option follow the mind, the heart, the gut…and technically our gendered counterparts. When following the heart we are often persuaded through emotion, and let human feeling govern our actions. When following the mind, we often stick to reason opposed to spontaneity; While reason may keep you out of trouble, stories are not created through reasonable actions. When following our gendered friends, exhilaration and raw emotion guides action…not always successful, but it sure leads to some interesting stories. The final alternative is to follow your intuition, your gut. Intuition is not governed by sociological norms or morality. Intuition guides through pure feeling…through pure observance!
Are we programmed to always seek forgiveness? Are we mentally sanctioned to seek pardon even for things that we did not do? When a heart is broken, we often begin searching for answers and ways to fix the situation. When no solution is available we often try to create a solution. When no blame is placed, we take the role upon ourselves…we take on the role of the aggressor and begin to apologize where apology is not needed. In this situation, we let our hearts govern our actions. Acting as a puppet maneuvered by the mind, we act out of panic ridden desperation.
My sister has been dating a fellow for almost a year now but has found it difficult to confess her feelings. When inquiring as to why this was, we boiled her hesitation down to fear; fear of ending up like the failed relationships around her. This fear (incredibly common with youth affected by divorce), while incredibly justified, is hindering her on moving forward and sharing the love she feels. I did not know what to say.
I was in love with a boy who broke my heart. I mentally and physically gave myself to him, and it ultimately it led to heartbreak warfare. Do I regret this relationship? Do I regret sharing myself with someone who broke my heart? Of course not. While the relationship ended abruptly and in messy relations, I do not regret a thing. I tell her not to be scared of love and opening her heart. Love can be an angry bitch, and can cause even the most reasonable of people to act irrationally. While fear is inevitable, it is sometimes the risk that reaps the greatest reward.
Bukowski says it best: Love is a Dog from Hell.
Love is not just a dog, love is a Yorkshire terrier that yaps and yaps until you contemplate impounding them into a kennel.
After speaking with her about past relationships and family matters; a question was raised: Why do we blame ourselves? nine out of ten times, situations are well out of our control, yet we continue to internalize all the pain and blame ourselves for every issue that has arisen. Every fight? because of me. Every tear shed? because of me. Every night spent alone in bed? was caused because of me! Is there a problem with this scenario? Y E S.
There are two halves to every heart, there are two halves to a full circle, just like there are two people in one relationship. To place blame on only one party is incredibly wrong and in bad taste. You are not the sole problem, for there are many circumstances that are unable to be controlled.
Lily and I have begun the planning for New York. Ready for the move and needing a change, we begin looking at Manhattan Brown Stones. Feeling like Carrie, we take in the neighbourhood and feel immediately at home. Are we ready for New York? Do we have what it takes to make it in the city? We have made the best out of Toronto but we need a change in scenery. No relationship or lives to leave behind, we are ready to pack up our belongings and get out of this Canadian city.
Can we detach the heart from the mind? I am afraid not, but my solution is simple:
Think with the mind, feel with the heart, act with our gut, and do with our gendered piece.
For those dealing with hardship, remember this: We cannot control decisions that we did not make. To think you can control any situation is like believing that you can stop the rain by holding up an umbrella; You may be dry for that brief period of time, but the rain has not stopped. No matter the fear or pain, there is no way to go back to being strangers after someone has seen your soul. It is impossible. Hate is a derivative of love and it can only go two ways.