Sleepy eyes and red wine soaked dreams, I wake up and see the early morning sunshine beam through my blinds. Sitting up in my bed I stretch out my aching feet and attempt to regain consciousness. Walking over to the brightly lit window, I open the curtains and I see the blanket of a freshly fallen snow. It is quite a lovely sight to wake up to. Looking out your window and seeing trees, and not the small trees you see in the city, but big evergreens. These evergreens can only be found on the outskirts of Toronto and into the suburban grounds. So picturesque…so beautiful, for this is bliss and this is an escape.
6:00 am and I wake up in the crowded Distillery. Waking up and hearing the squeals of children is not necessarily the most comforting of all noises. Showering, and quickly getting dressed I attempt to be timely seeing as my start time is less than a half hour away.
No breakfast on the table, and no pup and kitty waiting for cuddles. I venture out onto the cold cobblestone of the fermenting district and cover my face, as the frigid wind stings my skin. As I walk, I pull out my phone and send a quick good morning message to Americano. Seeing as he has been at work since 4am, the guy is more than awake to start a conversation. As I walk, even at this early hour couples pass. Hand in hand, bundled up and clearly in love. I think about monogamy. Is this what we all are looking for? Picturesque love? This storybook infused and rom com filled image of love that can only be naturally found in fairytales and Hugh Grant movies.
Are we looking for the freedom to explore our sexuality or are we looking for one sole lover? It is quite ironic, for when I was single I never noticed any potential admirers, yet now that I am happily committed, I have received countless offers from suitors. I am not sure if it is just simply dreadful timing, but there is nothing that the single and willing denomination want, more than an “unattainable lover”.
I think about Nat. Nat has begun to look at men like clothing. She tries them on, sees if they fit, then donates if she loses interest. Being single and free from the bounds of a relationship, Nat explores her innate sexuality and finds out what she likes. Finds pleasure for herself, without the reliance on a defined relationship. Think about it, how do you actually meet people nowadays? It is no longer done through friends or meaningless club skulking, it is done through some form of online dating: Tinder, Grindr, Christian Mingle, JDate….whatever fits your preference.
It is like we do not have a monogamous relationship anymore for we are continuously swiping yes or no and “trying on” potential suitors.
It is like world war three. The singles against the committed. We rarely interact with one another for we are so consumed with our significant other (or search for one) that we begin to lose interest in friends and loved ones.
Maybe that is what your committed relationship is lacking, freedom. We are supposed to be innately free, so why are we being sanctioned by our partners? Relationships are about balance, we should not be balancing our time based on our partner, it is about creating a merge in life. A merge that creates a blend between all aspects: work, friends, family, and love.
As I write this, I take another sip of my wine. I think it is an odd feeling to write about love in such a different way. I went from searching for love, to have found it…and I do not want to go back.