During a late night conversation, I was asked what my happiest moment was. I paused and began to search through the archives of my memory. Moments had passed, and I, unfortunately, could not answer. The question, while seemingly so simple, proved to be something that was quite the task. When asked, I could immediately recall every negative moment that had occurred throughout my life, yet I could not think of the happiest. I remember reading a quote about how we can easily forget the hundreds of wonderful things that someone does for us, but always remember the one thing done wrong. It is quite alarming how moments of happiness can be tossed aside while situations involving agony or heartache often resonate within our minds.
Bright and early in the morning, I headed down to the office. Dressed in a new suit, I sit in the waiting room awaiting a board meeting. Being my first day at a new firm, my nerves were jilted. Working as both a writer and in public relations, I find that most of my work can be done from my bed and in front of my laptop. Due to this, I have great difficulty in getting dressed when I need to actually appear in a boardroom.
Coming down from the past weekend which saw the likes of Taylor Swift and an evening encounter, I finally understood where my heart was. After countless days of searching where it had gone and pained in search for something to fill the hollow shell that became the hearts cavity, I had finally found an answer. I have always been an advocate for learning through experience, for through every fallen circumstance we find some sort of personal growth. This personal growth does not have to be so existential…it can be something quite simple! For example: The day you decided to live on the edge and get bangs, was the day you realized that there was a reason you lived the past 18 years of life without them. Simple realization, but growth nonetheless.
Is it true? Are we living our lives in fluid motion, or are we stuck waiting in line? We spend a majority of our day in a queue. Waiting for coffees, waiting for food, waiting to be spoken to, waiting for love, waiting to win the lottery; the redundancy is omnipresent. We are on an assembly line of go-getters with absolutely nowhere to go, for we run with the wolves but are scared to hunt on our own. When paired off or in a group we find that day-to-day engagement is easy to do: Dinner out with girlfriends, shopping down 5th, but when we begin to fly solo we start to hesitate. Why is there hesitation? Why must we be coupled off in order to have fun? While we should be living under the ‘one by one, two by two’ dynamic, we often our disheartened at tackling life alone. A colleague of mine is a bridesmaid in her girlfriends destination wedding. Being single, she is forced to pay double for the trip in comparison for her coupled friends. Why must the single man or woman be punished? When did the city become the land of coupledom?
My daze is broken as I hear my name. I am being invited into the boardroom. As I enter, I look around at my new colleagues and take a seat at the conference table. I have this problem where I turn beet red the moment I am placed in an awkward situation. Focussing on breathing, I answer the dreaded question: “Tell us about yourself and what you have done”. Heart racing, face already red, I try to recite a quick synopsis of my resume all the while attempting to appear cool, collected, sexy, and mysterious. Did it work? probably not.
I cannot help but zone out. I finally realized the answer: My happiest moment was one during the early stages of dating Americano. On our backs facing the stars, we lay upon the cold cobble stones of the Distillery District. As we watched the stars pass, we spoke about our struggles and our future aspirations. I cannot speak for him, but it was at this moment when I realized I was in love. It was in this moment that I felt the euphoria flow through me, and it began flowing so freely. It was sad, beautiful, raw, tragic and so present.
As the waves reach the shore, I let the water wash over me. Littering the shoreline with my memories, I let the water wash them away into the sea.
As empowered singles in the city of possibility, we must break out of the queue and be own match, for sometimes the best of company can be found in yourself.