With a glass of wine in hand, I turn on my record player and queued Adele’ 25. Listening to her vocals billow through my basement bedroom, I sit down and begin to write. With each sip, I fall deeper into this state of relaxation. When working multiple jobs and attempting to juggle a failing social life, the concept of relaxation often feels rather unattainable.
It is quite difficult to write when wrestling with a heavy heart and a lump in my throat. Intense emotion and over-gratified means, seem to rid the world of saturation, leaving my environment void of colour.
Martin comes through the door and sits on my lap. As the purring grows louder, I close my eyes.
I’ve wrapped myself in this emotional spiderweb, wrapped up by occurrences of the past that I have mentally repressed. Intricately designed and mirrored as a testimony to heritage, I have made myself a bed and am waiting for the incoming attack.
Recovering from the festivities of the annual ugly sweater party, I began thinking about people. Each day we participate in growing friendships and blossoming relationships. There are people who come into your life for an unknown cosmic reason, but they can become such an instrumental player in personal growth and expansion, that they will never truly leave.
Upon first meeting Americano, he told me of a quote he once heard:
Seated on a high rock looking over the river, we sat and talked. “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” he said confidently. I blushed and stared at the rippling waves that bound the rocky shore below.
Getting up from the comfort of my couch, I throw on a coat and a scarf and head out onto the city. Who was I to him? Wrestling with the thought, I begin to think. With every step forward, there seems to be foretold circumstances that bring me one step back. We mentally wrestle in these spider webs that we have created for ourselves, the more we move, the deeper we are spun.
A reason, a season, and a lifetime. When we were younger (and I am talking about kindergarten), choosing friends was simple; all that was needed was really a pulse. Friendships could be formed by the simplest of means, but as our personality develops and originality becomes key, we seem to find friendships to fit those needs. When looking at my friend group, I have a solid group of people that I rely on. All these people are completely different in their own way, but all have seen me through the best and worst of times.
I began to wonder: No matter the steps taken to distance yourself from someone else, can you ever really forget the history that has been made?
I feel a vibration coming from my jacket pocket. I look down at my blackberry, *2 new messages*
Glancing at the names, I place my phone back in my pocket. Certain names can place the most bitter of tastes upon your palette: The smell encompasses the room and fills my nostrils with the pungent odour of the past. Clouding the mind with an incandescent fog of recollection, I am left with words that I never said.
Grabbing the railing, I bound up the steps to my fire escape. There is something oddly relaxing about sitting on a fire escape in the middle of the night. While not usually conventional, it is rather relaxing. To see the city below in full motion, and the full moon high above head, you can’t help but feel outwardly connected.
People are like the wind and so susceptible to change, that it is unknown why or how. I don’t believe that people come into your life for a season or a lifetime. Every single person that you interact with on a daily basis is serving a purpose. I am not saying that we need to know our own cosmic purpose, I do not know what to eat for dinner let alone my cosmic purpose. All interactions have served some sort of purpose for life. While we may not be playing an instrumental or ground breaking role in someone’s life, through interaction we served a purpose. Speaking to the barista while they are making your coffee, discussing current events with a person beside you on the metro. These may all seem like such insignificant interactions to you, but you are blindly unaware of what the conversation could have meant to the other person.
A reason, a season, and a lifetime – There is no need to classify your friendships into these categories. Engage in interactions, and live freely! Sure, some friendships or relationships may not work out in the long run, but you have to accept the change and move forward. While I hate change and am usually the one protesting, change happens for a very specific reason. While it may not make sense at the current moment, I am positive that in time, you will realize.
Seated cross-legged on the fire escape looking out onto the moving cars, I am left knowing one thing: We have seen the seasons change and the world move on, and while I may be gone, I know for a fact that I will never be forgotten.