As I sit at my kitchen table and watch the snow flurries glide past my balcony, I am left speechless over the events of the morning.
As it so happens, once you begin to publish your feeling onto the internet they are easily accessible by everyone… everyone including “Him”. He has now read my blog, for everything has been brought out into the open. Honestly I have no idea why I am so bewildered, for I have been publishing these posts in a social forum where they can be read by anybody; Blogging makes the lines of “privacy” very blurry.
The one thing that has been nagging at me is the thought that I am wrong for publishing my feelings in a blog. I try very hard to make sure that all posts maintain namelessness, so that no one has their feelings hurt. I feel as if writing out my thoughts has become my only sense of comfort, for it is the action of taking what is in my head and turning the jumbled brain cells into tangible words that creates stability.
Blogging my life has been positively liberating for I can only contain my deepest feelings for so long. I did not intend for my posts to become a sense of escapism for others, it just sort of happened. The fact that I am receiving comments and messages about my posts is truly riveting. It is the fact that people from different parts of the world are relating to what I write makes this all truly magical. I never thought that I would be able to turn my boring life into some form of non-fiction, for within my life I tend to live in a fantasy.
Maybe I was wrong for writing about him and publishing my private thoughts, but in the contrary nothing has ever felt so right to me. I have finally found my muse, for this has become my only form of self expression where I can be myself. Yes I understand that through this platform I am narrating my deepest thoughts to the world, but oddly I enjoy this narrative of self.
Finally the truth is unearthed. The truth has risen out of this blackness I have created and found its way to the light. Plato wrote about how the cave dwellers had to adjust their eyes to the light once exposed to the sun…I guess the same can be said for the truth.
Thank you to all my readers who have related to and continuously read my posts. This is not the ending…for I am just beginning.