An open forum and black yarn.

This is the last line I will do tonight, I say as I finish purling the last loop of the scarf I’m knitting. I feel as if I aged about 90 years old as I sit on my bed knitting by the light of 3 large candles. I live an exciting life.

I lay in bed trying to relax. One sleeping pill, and two episodes of the Kardashians later, I lay my head down on the pillow and I try to sleep. Looking at the time on my phone, I see the bright LED lights display 2am. I have to be up at 6am… That is exactly 4 hours from now. Super fun.

Today I was told by Americano that I need to communicate more with him. What does he mean by this? Communication is done by speaking is it not? I speak with people every day, how am I not a communicator? As he puts it, I need to communicate my feelings with him more, for I truly do lack on that department. To be fully honest, I do not have a problem telling anyone what is on my mind. If someone is being a proper bitch, I will 100% let them know without any hesitation. I find it easier to communicate emotions through a written medium. Writing is my release, and writing is my psychiatrist. I am not one to sit down in a spirit circle and to talk about how I am feeling…not exactly my forte.

Now how do I improve on this? How do I communicate with ones I love? As a couple, are you supposed to tell each other 24/7 how much you love one another, and what they mean to you? No. It is not necessary for the continuous reassurance of love, if you need constant reassurance, clearly there are some issues prominent in your relationship. No relationship needs the daily reassurance, sure it is nice to hear how much someone cares for you, but a stable relationship is not built on force love or happiness.

It all goes back to trust. Without trust, a couple is unable to form such a bond that allows for the personal unsaid reassurance of love.

We are all scared of our past. We are so scared that our past relationships will come back and inject their venom into the new relationships that we have. We are scared of cheating, we are scared of unfaithfulness and we are terrified of broken hearts. We are so scared of the unknown faults of a relationship that we find it difficult to relish in a fresh relationship when we are still haunted by the faults of our past. Of course one is unable to fully forget the trauma of a past situation, it is about learning that not every person and every situation will end up like your fallen relationship. If you have been in multiple relationships that have ended in the same manner, you must realize that you are not an omen. Not every relationship you have will end in doomed desires. You are not defined by your past relationships, you are not defined by your sexual encounters, and you are not defined by mistakes you made.

To communicate with your partner, I think the importance comes with speaking your mind. You need to be honest with your partner, for they will appreciate the open communication. Of course communication is not one sided, talking about feelings to yourself is reserved for schizophrenics and diary owners… And me. Your partner is meant to share your burdens, they help bear your cross. If they cannot bear the weight that you present them, they are not worth your love.

We are the blind leading the blind. We are all messed up and challenged, but we are all in the fight of life together. Communicate and keep trust strong, for without our relationships are nothing but bonds.

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