December 7th. Christmas is almost here. Due to my impending exams, I decided to make the trip to Narnia and stay with my mum. Too much distraction in Toronto. As I lay on the couch pretending to study, I watch two of my favourite films: “The Holiday” and “Four Weddings and a Funeral”. Procrastination at it’s finest.
Looking at the past I reminisce on my experiences with Hamlet, Siren, and the infamous “Him”. These thoughts came about as I scrolled through Instagram and I came across photos of Hamlet. He remains the same, still mysterious and still living in a world of black and white.
It is quite odd to think of what your life would be like in present time if something pivotal had not occurred. If distance were not an issue, would Hamlet and I be together? I can wonder about this for days, but why would I want to live in fragments of my past. It is all the “buts” in life that get you. You may start thinking about the things that you missed out on, that girl or boy, the trip to see foreign places, broke promises or the last kiss.
Sometimes I wonder if I have made the correct choices in my life, and then I think about a recent fight I had with Americano. Going to sleep, angry and on separate sides of the bed, I drifted off into a diphenhydramine hydrochloride induced Dream land. 10 hours pass and found myself waking up to the faint sound of my alarm. My eyes blink into consciousness, and I turn over to see an empty side of my bed. Picking up my phone from the bedside table, my screen comes to life with a message:
“All I could think about last night was how my life would be if you decided to end things right then and there and it broke my heart. I, as you know, literally couldn’t sleep because that was all I could think of. I love you, Kyle. And I hope you still feel the same.”
It is messages like this that bring me to realize how happy I am with the direction my life has gone. At this point in my life, I have faced many sadnesses, but also such happiness and love.
Love can break you apart. It can shake the light out of your world and make you fear that you have been left in darkness. Love can make you cry and it can make you smile to no end. It can do such things… Illegal things to the heart that bring you to insanity. It’s pure, it’s evil and it makes you see the world in a different way. A world that is no longer broken.
As I placed my phone down, I called for him to come back to bed.