Formal invite to my coffin.

A Sanctuary. Sanctuaries are place in which you feel perfectly at ease and you can find your centre.

I no longer have a sanctuary for all that I was hiding from has finally caught up with me. I ran away to Toronto to escape my past, and now I ran back to Mississauga to escape my present. I am perfectly tired with looking for this next escape for I just want to finally achieve some sort of happiness within my life. There is this ongoing trend where I finally am happy and content with something, but then it is ripped away from me without a warning. Is that fair? is it fair that I grow accustomed to a certain way of life and then fall victim to hope? No, it is not fair.

Everyone deserves happiness within their lives, but I guess I just cant find it myself. In one of my previous posts, I wrote  about trust, and from current events I now have a complete new outlook on the matter. I trusted a few individuals with my private thoughts, but they took these these aspirations of mine, and showed them to another. Yes it was all done out of the best intentions; but being said, does that revoke the fact that my trust for them has been breached? No. I have been painting these pages with images of him, but that art-form has been burned for time has run out. I was living in a lie in which I found myself so content in for I was searching for answers but looking for a truth I really did not want to know. The funny thing about truth is that we all want to attain it. We all want to be knowing and powerful, but once we know everything…we all just realize how fucked up our current situations are.

Best intentions do not always reflect the best course of action, and clearly the best intentions of these two individuals were not suitable for me. I constantly receive questions from people asking why my posts are so dark, (in fact he asked me about that yesterday)but my answer is pretty simple: Within the darknesses of life, I have begun to see the truth.

I am now left a bleak and hollow shell of a human. I have been placed back into the mould of what I wanted to leave behind. I am now finding myself sinking deeper and deeper into this sadness…for it has all been rooted in lies and in deceit.

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