Turning pain into words.

Dressed in sweatpants and an oversized University sweater, I lay upon my couch and watch the Grammys with my mother.

It has been a very difficult 24 hours for me and I did not know if I could have survived it. As I left his apartment, I was left speechless by not only what was said, but about the betrayal of friends. As I quickly ran to my apartment I filled up a carrying case and sprinted to the nearest train station. I bought a ticket, and ran to the platform to head back to my hometown. Before it all, I had a breakdown and made some irrational decisions; but luckily I came to my senses much before this decision had escalated further. I was going home to achieve some sense of self, with the hope of attempting to put this sadness behind me. With tears on my face, I opened the door to my mothers car and headed home.

Waking up the next morning full of grief and sadness, I pulled the blankets over my head and dreaded heading to work. As I dragged myself out of bed, I got dressed for the long day ahead of me. As I stumbled into work, I plugged in my iPod into the loudspeaker and played one of my favourite playlists. With Lana, Lights, Bowie, Bastille, and Passenger player over the loudspeaker, I created distractions for myself as the day passed by. It was not until I sat down with my mother and discussed the situation at hand that I began to feel better. Within the night, I have spoken to many individuals who have helped me sort out this situation, and I am very glad to have these fantastic people within my life.

Now that I step back and look at my life as an outsider, I am thankful to have such wonderful people within my life. Wiens, (whom I have known since the age of 10) is not only one of my biggest supporters, but has become a member of my family. After all these years of help, I am glad to have her in my life as not only a best friend, but as a sister. I sometimes forget to acknowledge how amazing this next person is, but I truly appreciate my friend Anna. I have known Anna since the ninth grade, and she was one of the first people in my life to know my deepest secrets. Anna is probably the only person who will not only listen to you cry, but will cry with you and offer support. Anna is a beautiful human being, and I am beyond grateful that she has been there for me over this difficult time.

As I sit and distract myself from the current situation, I immerse myself into the music of the Grammys. As I checked my phone for messages, I saw a notification from Mon, a friend I have not seen in quite some time. Mon writes to me about how my blog has become an inspiration for her to take chances, for it has become an outlet to provide her with a piece of mind. This one message meant from Mon has meant more to me than any before. This message given me such an uplift for up until now I have been pondering putting an end to my writing for a while. To know that my struggles serve as someone else’s platform for healing, is truly an inspiring feeling.

Through all my struggles and pain, I will write. The next few months are going to be hell, it is an inevitable fact. I am just glad that as I move forward and fight this darkness I am glad that I will not be doing it alone.

 

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