How is it possible to hate someone yet love them simultaneously?
The two conflicting emotions both seem strong and overpowering yet they seem to weigh each other out.
No matter all the faults this person might contain, you seem to overlook these and continue to live life as normal. I have not quite put my finger on exactly why this sense of ambivalence happens, but it seems to be fuelled by memories of the past. The past tends to pave over the present, for living within a memory can taint the outlook on today.
People hurt other people, it is a fact that is undebatable. We hurt others as if it is a natural occurrence that we cannot change. It as if we hammer the nail too deep into a plank until it is stuck and cannot come out. We place ourself in these toxic situations yet we wonder why we get burned?
Someone can be the biggest fuck up in the world, yet there will probably still be someone out in the world caring for them. I hate that I can love and hate someone simultaneously. I want to forget the past and move on within the future, I want to detach myself and fade away into another false reality in which can be created.
The one thing that bugs me is that I never received an apology. As I rack my brain for a lost apology, I am dumbfounded with where it could have been. Of course the benefit of the doubt must be given, for hurt tends to drown out an apology. Being hurt is not just having your heart broken, for being hurt is like having a gun pointed at your head, by someone you love. The barrel is pointing directly at your frontal lobe. You see the index finger tighten around the trigger, and the hand adjust upon the barrel. With tears streaming down your face, you look into the eyes of this newly found monster. Hurt is betrayal. You are hurt by ones you love, yet sometimes it is impossible to make the truth seem true for the image of this once perfect person still resonates in front of your eyes.
The truth does not go away by closing your eyes. Nothing can stop the fact that people change, but it is how you deal with it that can make you stronger.It is nothing more than a divergence of the heart, yet being blinded by the soul.