Sitting cross-legged on my couch, laptop on my lap and textbooks skewed around me,I begin to write my final essay for my Philosophy of Love and Sex class. Surrounded by nearly a dozen empty Starbucks cups, I attempt to sort through my views on the concept of Romantic Love.

Irving Singer, a tiny, seemingly materialistic philosopher who has some interesting statements in regards to what is Romantic Love. As I continued reading through this textbook, I began to think of real life examples of modern love. Last week, I spoke about the concept of objectively placing a value on our potential lover, but is this purely materialistic, or are we on to something?
When looking for a partner, there are usually qualities in which we look for. Is this person tall dark and handsome? Check. Are they funny? Are they caring? Do they have a big…

…personality?

As we get to know this potential lover, we begin to go through a list of what this person may or may not have. After going through our list of must haves, we then decide if this person is the one for us…If they possess a higher amount of qualities that we appreciate, then the good tends to outweigh the bad. The one problem with this theory is that it remains completely materialistic. Through the use of the words: Value, evaluate, appraise, loved individuals have become equated to nothing more than a set value and a price.

The problem with this modern society is that we do not get the chance to really know these individuals for we judge them based on four photos and then a swipe left or right. We are making an objective judgement without actually thinking about what WE need from these individuals. Think about it: A muscled chest and a chiseled jaw may be amazing to look at, but is this person equipped to provide guidance when you are upset or saddened?

This seems to be why so many people are upset that they cannot find love. Instead of trolling through dozens of user profiles and faceless torso’, a good conversation face to face is the only way to know the truth.

It seems that even teenagers at such a young age are well on their way to searching for a partner. Instead of wondering what may interest them romantically, they begin to try the whole buffet opposed to just the fruit table.

While experience may be the only means to actively learn, in regards to Romantic Love, one does not need to experience heartache to establish what they are searching for in a potential partner.

Grab a pen and paper and write down what you want in life. What you want in a man or woman, what you want financially, and what you want romantically. Through this process you will be able to have a tangible list of what you need in life to be happy. Of course you may want the big city apartment overlooking the park, but think realistically. This list can change…it can always adapt as you do. Your interests grow everyday, and so does what you look for in a person.

Nat has found herself in a growing relationship where she has found this new man to be very similar to her old boyfriend. These qualities (while not outwardly and objectively seen) took some time to unearth. Was this why she was attracted to him? He reminded her of someone who once housed her love? This brings me to the point of what happen to the love after a split. Does the love remain stuck in personal purgatory, or is all forgotten as the once loving couple moves on. It is unknown if there is some sort of transferable-bestowal that may occur, but If a person falls in love with someone else who exhibits the same value or qualities once possessed by their ex lover, will the value return?

These questions can be answered only by you. Like most of the questions in life, you are your biggest problem. You are the source of the problems, and you are also the home of the answers. Weigh the facts…and I guarantee that you will see a change.