Americanos and pitiful loathing.

Showing up a day early for my doctors appointment, I decide to go to the neighbouring Starbucks to sit and write. After escaping suburbia and taking a subway into the city, I am now sitting amongst the hustle and bustle of this fast paced environment.

With a venti Americano, I am out the door ready to take on the day a head of me. I am not exactly sure why, but I cannot shake this inevitable feeling of woe billowing over me. Apart from the fact that I left my debit card at home, and I am now left money less (other than my over maxed credit card), I am just all alone wandering the streets to ponder my thoughts.

Do you ever think back to a decision that you have made, and feel positively awful about it? I definitely do. In my life, I find myself continuously thinking back to the past and judging all the stupid mistakes that I have ever made. No matter how small the mistake, it seems to wield its way into my brain and leave a tattoo of shame looming over my mind. At the time when we made this mistake, one would suppose that we would have been happy with the choices we were making at that point in time, for why would something that once brought you happiness now bring you woe? In some way, all decisions that we make are influenced by some external factors and at that point in our lives we may have let our irrationality direct our mind. Over the past year I have made many choices in which I continuously torture myself and replay in my mind on the daily. At the time I might have fucked up, but I am nothing more than a human, and that one decision should not define what I have become now. The one thing that I learned about being so hard on yourself, is that it gets you no where.

When placed it into context, no matter the mistakes you have made and no matter how small these small digressions may be, they are all just minuscule fragments of  life that mould us into the person we will become. We are always growing and changing for in fact, you never can stop changing for every day brings new surprises.

The rule is as follows: If you are unhappy with something in your life, it is your choice to change it. There is never anything stopping you.

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