Spending the later portion of the evening with Lilly and a round(s) of Cosmos, I finally understood what is to be the most AGGRAVATING thing in this world: Not being upfront. Being upfront does not always mean that you need to be a complete dick and tell someone off, it means that you have the decency to be honest with another person and tell them what is on your mind. Maybe it is the alcohol consumption interacting with my meds, but I feel as if I have seen the light on human decency.
Currently I am facing a situation where I am playing chess with another individual . Every time I make a move forward, they make a move back (I think that is how you play chess…). It has come to the point where I have given up and come to terms with the fact that there is no use in me trying for I am clearly being avoided. No matter how much effort I put in, it seems as if nothing is being reciprocated…this may seem needy to some, but effort is what keeps not only relationships but friendships alive. When you finally come to the point where you stop trying, that is when you begin to see the true intentions of another individual for if they never message you again, you see that you were merely just another pawn in their game of life. If by chance that they do message you, then you see the true heart of that person.
What is truly unfortunate is when you get to the point where you begin to open up your heart to that person, you are finally ready to let them in to your messed up mind. When you get to this point, that is when you know that the avoidance will lead to pain, for you have already begun to feel either a friendship or relationship looming. Organizing plans and being cancelled on is never fun, but when it is on a day when you actually need to talk to a friend about something serious as a way to vent…the hollowness of a cancelation is imminent
In a strange way I am kind of hurt by this. You can play nice in person, but what is with the avoidance? If you do not want to see me, I would rather be spared the heart ache and just receive a simple let down. I think that many people are scared of confrontation for negativity is traditionally attributed, but there are ways to handle confrontation in such a manner that both parties leave unscathed. If you go into the confrontation with a more calm demure, usually the other parties emotional behaviour will reflect you own. I think in the long run it is better to have the decency to let someone down easy rather than be dragged along filled with questions.
Maybe this is part 2 of the waiting game, for It is really the test of character. I have the option of being in continuous confusion of what I could have possibly done wrong to upset this person, but in reality it is best to just let things be rather than waiting for an explanation.
Moral of the story is this: Don’t wait for someone who would not wait for you. If they actually have the decency to want to be in your life then they will make an effort, for life is not a one way street.