The pale horizon beats out into a dark canvas. Mistakes of the afternoon have turned into the regrets of the night, and we are left to our own thoughts. Seated cross-legged on a foreign couch I found myself staring out the window. The sound of rain pounding off of the glass provides a sense of ease against the lighting that illuminates the sky. There is nothing like a summer storm to provide a sense of ease and contentment.You beckon to the patio and I follow. Shutting the screen door behind me, you light up a cigarette. Thunder booms overhead and the rain beats against the awning.
“Cigarettes are disgusting”, I say confidently as you take a prolonged inhale. I stare longingly at the smoke clouds that form a blanket of ash along the dewy air. Staring longingly, I take the fag from you and take a drag. A human oxymoron, fighting for what I believe in through a shielded gaze and a misconstrued ideology – The epitome of a millennial lifestyle.
From an after-thought to the late hours following a storm, the clouds dissipate and the candy striped sky takes its place. Painted with shades of pink and blue, problems recede from our views and melt into the horizon. I pick up my phone and hit shuffle on my music library. When together, we never did have a song…We had memories that worked cohesively to several ballads, but we never broke it down to one singular song. I find a familiar tune and a cheeky grin washes over my face. I turn up the volume. I hope that when you hear this song, you think of me. When the rain falls and the tiger striped sky takes precedence, I hope that you remember.
All Is Fair and All Is Foul
12:00. Int. Coffee Shop – Isolation
I find myself writing ideas onto coffee shop napkins and sipping on black coffee. Stuck within a nicotine daydream, I am left thinking about the places I went wrong. A summer night left in a cold past as I collect my thoughts and acknowledge how far we have come. I have been ten months sober – coming to eleven in September. With every thought of you, I move forward into a new chapter towards an advanced beginning. I instigated the thought, rebuilt the memories and have opened my mind up to sadness. I poured soap in the cut; vinegar and poison into the wound that sting at the sound of your name.
12:15. Int. Coffee Shop – The reunion
We sit across from one another separated by a slice of pie and one cup of coffee, you drink tea now.
Staring back at one another, none of us dare to speak. Keeping silent, we anxiously twiddle our fingers poking at the shared snack in front of us.
I do not know what I expected from him, an apology? A reason for the madness and an explanation as to why we both changed.
12:30. Ext. Coffee Shop – The separation
I watch him raise his hand to hail a taxi. It takes everything in me not to follow. A taxi pulls up to the curb and he gets inside. The devil is hailing a cab, and all we can do is watch.
The song hits its final chords and silence fills the atmosphere. The rain continues but the lightning has let up. Adjusting the chair, I lay down horizontally staring up at the sky. On my back, fingers in my hair, the moon was blocked by your eyes. I saw the world on my back, and it looked like you.
There was something beautiful in this separation, this deformed sense of longing which we expertly crafted over the years. This manufactured feeling with bubblegum eyes and a Fisher Price stamp of approval, our plan was full-proof. With new legs and a mended heart, I took my first steps. It was at this moment when the world was at ease where I realized that I needed to take my second steps far away from you.