“It’s a full moon tonight”, I say to myself as I stare out the window.
Looking at my watch, I note the time: 3PM. Feeling the shakes associated with my lack of caffeine, I seek out refuge in a coffee shop to feed my addiction.
As Rhiannon plays through my earbuds, I step out into the warm spring air.
I find myself burdened by the overwhelming weight of problems hanging over my shoulders. How is it possible that in their twenties, young adults have already had an average of 3 mid-life crisis? Panicking about finances, romance, and health, we find ourselves fucking around with resentment and turmoil associated with our young adult failures. Feeling overexposed and self-inflicted misused, I strap myself with projects and commitments as means to hide from the imminent fact that all is changing so soon.
I ask myself questions that can only be answered rhetorically — No one but myself can answer the difficult questions that continue to hang over my head. During a time of stress, I do what any self-respecting young adult would do; surround myself with beautiful clothes, for today marks the beginning of Toronto Fashion Week. As the runway is littered with couture and ready to wear designs, I will be attending a majority of shows in the city core.
Surrounded by designs, images of you flood my mind:
I want nothing more than to feel the scent engulf my nostrils. To let the white sage fill the room and to feel your body meet with mine. The scent growing and the music flowing, we tangle into the web that we have created. Sweet disposition of melancholic composition, our touches sparks the retort of a reacting force. Feeling you meet me, a spark flows through my spine, heightening all feeling. Finding the unfamiliar hands and uncharted lips we search to create familiarity. Nestled between our souls, our minds meet and create something unseen by the human eye; a matrimony of the minds, content creation and the ability to become engulfed with the present forgetting the past and overlooking the future. I feel like I am dancing hillside, for you can find me dancing in a drunken bliss.
I shake myself out of the dream. I find myself staring blankly at the runway, watching the show as if in slow motion — A dream-like state that keeps me from actively experiencing the world around me. Hair braided back and adorned in an oversized coat, I am stuck in an REM mindset. Whenever I fall into deep thought, I feel like Charlie Brown; overanalyzing my current situation to the point where I am so caught up in anxieties that I end up forgetting what it was I was worrying about in the first place.
I have found myself looking at relationships in a rather pessimistic mindset, but has this affected me negatively? God no. I feel like a good dose of pessimism is something that needs to be applied daily…similar to moisturizer. This sharp dosage of realism kicks us off of cloud 9 and showcases the truth. With all of that said, the question remains: Why do I choose pessimism?
it can be said that a pessimistic attitude can prevent us moving forward, but can we ever move to the future if we keep our past in the present? No. Looking at things in an objective mindset keeps our emotions and normative from getting in the way of our thought process — from clouding our minds.
I have been doing a closet purge, ridding myself of old clothes and the skeletons hidden deep within. This spring clean up has caused me to remember some darker times, but what is a future if you can’t remember your past? Hiding failures and wrongdoings in dark corners does nothing but prevent growth and hinder the future. Pessimistic cleaning allows this objective mindset that allows you to purge out the past to make way for spring styles…er, a brighter future.
There is great beauty in pessimism, for when looking at situations in a negative mindset, any inclining of positivity will create hope. This statement describes an “expect less, hope for more” type of analogy.
Despite pessimism and pre-conceptualized attitudes, the truth can be seen through the objective.