It seems that the process of aging is rather inevitable; We utilize fillers and lifts, deeper hair colors and treatments, but the one thing that cannot be brought back is the mind. As we age, we often accompany our double digits with intellectual arrogance — Looking down on the millennials with a judgemental gaze, millennials are often greeted with backlash. This post is not about the tribulations of millennials, nor is it even about adulthood; This article is about the most important realization within adult life, and that is the understanding of self-worth. This post is based on my current realizations that are stemmed from the understanding of one’s own value. 

As we move out of the naivety that comes with romance, we often excuse behavior as means to compensate for something missing; both lack of experience and a deficit in understanding. It can be said that we are to live life blindly until we bank up enough experiences to actively learn.

There are things worse than being single in the city: 1. ruining a new pair of Italian shoes, 2. fucking up your hair after taking an hour to do it, and 3. John Travolta in Hairspray.
There is not much worse than number 3.

Doors slam and voices echo down the barren hallways. the words reiterated through the hollowed walls as the house is filled with raised tones; if walls can talk the house would be howling. Fuelled by anger and the overwhelming thought of their lips on someone else, the mouth of the mind closes and the words shoot like daggers from your heart. Speaking knives, the emotion guides your phrase, helping you piece together the fragments of your shattered heart. The truth so old that it has become antiqued, you crave something new…a contemporary excuse to fill the void and patch up what is left of your patience.

Many things can be learned from the older generations in regards to romance and the evaluation of self. Looking at the experiences of my mother, I have learned how to handle myself in a variety of situations. Living vicariously through her past, I have begun to understand the consequences of life as seen through a second perspective. Lessons from the past are the circumstances we carry on to a future. Engraved into the back of our mind, these reminders act as roadmaps that guide our future actions.

What constitutes as a lesson? Who knows. We all try to find answers in the void, for we seek understanding in the abyss that is aging. The unfortunate thing about lessons is that they are not understood until much later; Until the relationship has come to a close, until the DUI is removed from your record, and until the heart has been mended.

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“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.”
—Oscar Wilde, The Canterville Ghost”

Watching the frozen rain drop from the sky, I sit on the porch with a menthol. Reading the work of Mr. Wilde, I cannot help but think of you. While it might sound like an incredibly morbid stanza, the beauty of the words is seen in the subtext. To not be phased by the passing time or the difficulties of the future, but to find peace in the current state.
Watching the cars pass, I can’t help but miss you, and crave you near me.

I decide to walk down Parliament street in search of a coffee shop. After numerous failures and closed doors, I resort to a local Starbucks. Who would have known that all of these coffee shops would be closed on Good Friday? My phone lights up with a message from Owen. Unlocking my phone, my background (a photo of Owen) stares back at me. Whenever I am feeling especially down, Owen brings up the concept of Celestial Beings.

“Let’s forget about being human and decide to become celestial beings, not bound to our mortal barriers. Free to move in whichever direction we want to go, and do whatever we want to undertake
You deserve that, to not be bothered by the past and to experience life in the way you want to; You deserve to be a celestial divine body.”

A smile comes to my face as I think about us. Like an aged wine, we achieve strength and body as the days pass. Undefined by the dimensions of the galaxy, we are weightless and unaffected by the world around. Celestial beings dancing around the solar system, we are held together by the feelings we share and brought together through technological advance and counting down days.

Utilizing the lessons from our past we build our futures. Creating happiness out of a trying time is all that we can do. Happiness  does not come easy nor is it a constant feeling, for it is quite difficult to maintain. While we cannot control the masses, we CAN control how we feel and how we react. For everyone has skeletons in their closets, and we are not alone in this secrecy. We blur the memories and continue on.